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The Last Time I Saw Heaven
It was not exactly as I remembered.
As a child, I had pneumonia. Ice baths and pink antibiotics weren’t curing me. After days of a high fever, I stopped breathing. My mother asked what I saw while I slipped away. The only word I knew to describe the experience was white.
A hidden voice asked me questions. Nothing noteworthy was discussed until it asked if I wanted to stay. I answered, no.
A happy colored light peeked out from the white. Blues, greens, oranges, and pinks danced in a thin glow. A small candy appeared in my hand. The voice directed me to let the candy melt under my tongue, then breathe in deeply.
The little object tasted like a Christmas tree looks. Cinnamon, pine, mint, and maple mixed with the bright sparkly colors. Several days were spent recuperating, but my lungs recovered.
I thought about that little sparkly candy for years. At some point, the whole event melted into several possibilities. Maybe it was my high fever. The voice could have been anyone in the room. The candy was probably just an ice chip.
After a time, I was able to dismiss every part of my experience as the wild fancies of an over-imaginative little girl. I let everyday things wipe away the faith and hope I found as a child. Clean floors, ten thousand steps, the quest for a skinny waist…
